Monthly Archives: December 2011

Lessons from the dog park. Know your tribe.

Today I took my two girls to the dog park. Yup I’m that person you may have talked about in the past…”Geez she’s always with her dogs. She never goes anywhere without them..” Truth…We do travel with our girls a lot and we do spend a lot of time with them. That’s partly because I work from home and partly because they’re huskies and they love company and exercise.

Today when we got there we met a friend with a husky so there was a three pack. After a few minutes two more showed up so we had a five pack of huskies. Have you ever watched huskies when they pack up? Mine know for absolute certain when another dog is a husky. They will play with all sorts of dogs but once another husky comes into the area they will pack up together and play. They run and they jump and they chase each other around in a different way when the pack is together.

I find that really interesting and fascinating. Here’s what I make of it: my girls know who their “people” are: they know who their tribe is and they feel most comfortable with them. They don’t mind being around others but the absolutely fall into their own essence of who they are when they are with their own kind….

Do you ever notice that with people? Some folks you just feel more comfortable around. You may not know why but you just feel more like yourself around them..the interests are the same or the energy feels right. Whatever it is I encourage you to find your tribe because that’s where you will shine the brightest: that’s where you will be the best person you are meant to be: that’s where you will step into your own essence of joy and power: that’s when you learn the heart of being fearless..in a group of people who think most like you. If you want to shine in 2012 take the step and find your tribe. Not sure how to do that?

Here’s a tip: sit with yourself for an hour or so and write down everything you love about the people you feel most comfortable with….athletic/ funny/ musical/ artsy/fashionista/writer..whatever it is write it all down. Tip #2 find a group in your local area that has a program where your tribe will be. There’s always somewhere to find your tribe and if you haven’t found them yet/ if you haven’t connected up yet it’s just because you’re not sure where they are. These two tips are a great way to get you started. Now go be fearless.

What Leymah Gbowee shared with Oprah.

 

 

 

 
 
What Nobel Peace Prize Winner Leymah Gbowee Knows for Sure About Anger
As told to Leigh Newman
Original Content Dec 7 2011
Leymah Gbowee
Photo: Getty Images
Leymah Gbowee helped stop the civil war in shattered Liberia by leading the women of the country in a protest for peace—a movement which included denying sex to the men of the country until the fighting ended. In her personal life, she has survived domestic abuse and alcoholism, both detailed in her poignant new memoir, Mighty Be Our Powers. This week, a few days before she accepts the Nobel Peace Prize, she talks with Oprah.com about one of humanity’s most powerful emotions.
Anger is Not Bad
We’ve placed so much emphasis on the negativeness of anger that people see anger as evil. It is not. How you respond to anger, however, will determine your future. Anger drives the villains to create problems in their community, and anger drives the heroes to constructively look for change.

Consider Your Container
Anger is fluid. Like a liquid. Whatever container you decide to pour anger into is the shape that it will come out as: bad or good. I have realized and recognized one thing about my anger: I have to channel it into a peaceful and positive container and get out there and meet with those people who are causing the problems.

Never Deny Your Rage
When you can’t feel your anger, you sometimes get this feeling of helplessness. I’ve been there in my life. A few weeks ago, when the capital of my country descended into riots, I walked into a local hotel and just climbed in one of the beds. I was there from 1 p.m. till 8 p.m., and I was like, “I can’t think. I can’t talk. I’m just tired.” But then I woke up at 2 a.m. that morning, and I knew what I was really feeling: rage. I just cried. Then, I called everyone who I felt would listen to me cry, and I just cried. Then, the next morning, I felt good. Everyone needs a release.

Anger is Inspiration Martin Luther King did not do everything he did in America because he was happy. He was angry at the state of the black people. He was angry at the level of suffering that they were going through. Gandhi, too, was angry, and Mandela. People do not go into fighting injustice because they are so content.

Sometimes You Must Fight
In 2003, all of my colleagues, the men that I worked with, kept saying about the women’s movement, “It’s not structured. It’s too spontaneous. It’s not going to work.” Deep down inside, I felt like I was on the right path. So, then I became very stubborn, and I would not listen to advice, and I just kept going.

Sometimes You Must Not Fight
There are bigger things to do than to fight the mediocre things. A lot of the places you get exhausted in this life are when you try to deal with things that you can’t change. For example, someone wrote that I was [the] ex-girlfriend of Charles Taylor [the ex-president of Liberia accused of war crimes]! Do I want to spend my energy on those things when we have a whole community of misguided young women who are looking for people to mentor them into a bright future? Then again, did it bother me? Yes! So, I picked up my Bible, read some scriptures and prayed.

Anger is Opportunity
Anger, wars or conflict—these things themselves are not bad because they are an opportunity. For example, if you have a spouse and you two are having serious issues, you say, “Oh, this is an opportunity for us to get to the place where we can now start talking about issues that we would never talk about when it’s peaceful.” Your ability to manage these feelings is what allows some good to come out of it.

Leymah Gbowee’s mission: Defy a dictator, end a war, return her native Liberia to peace.

This article is taken directly as it was written from http://www.oprah.com and none of the writing is my own. I have taken this article and not changed it for good reason: it is perfect as it is. The author speaks volumes about truth: about change and about movements starting with one small step of injustice. Today Leymah Gbowee recieved her Nobel Peace Prize and the look on her face as she stepped up to accept her due was absolutely beautiful.

So here’s what makes me mad and it correlates to this article. Women make up 53% of the population in the world and we own 1% of the wealth. There are ten million millionaires in the world right now and 27% of them are women. We are the 99%..we are in need of a movement my friends. We cannot wait for others to change this it is up to us.

Inequality comes in many forms but poverty is the basis for most of it. In North America for sure we have the ability to make as much money as we want but we women do not believe that to be true. Come join my movement: Helping Millions Make Millions: and see how you can be part of the movement/ to create massive change in your life/ to create massive change in your family and to live your best life at the same time. This is the time to prove that women hold equal value in every aspect of life including financial power. Money is NOT evil but evil people with money can be. Money is NOT scarce and Money is NOT hard to come by. There is most definitely no Prince Charming who’s going to keep you safe and warm in your castle and there is most definitely no reason in the world (except for your own beliefs) for you to not be doing what you love and making yourself rich at the same time.

It’s your time: are you ready?  Now go be fearless!

 
 
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© 2011 Harpo Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
 

Throw out the cranberry sauce? Are you crazy it’s Christmas..

Seriously can you imagine if somebody decided that this Christmas there would not be cranberry sauce with the turkey? Even if it’s the canned stuff that’s more like jelly than cranberries it’s the tradition that is important right? If you’re like my family you have always had turkey with cranberry sauce at Christmas and probably Thanksgiving too. It’s just what we do: I’ve never really thought about it when I started to prepare my own festive meals until one of my children balked at the idea of cranberries and turkey. Well mostly they balked at the thought of eating turkey but the cranberries didn’t thrill them either. 

 

Here’s how the conversation went:

Me: “What do you mean you don’t want cranberries with the turkey? Wait you don’t want turkey either?”

Child: “Mom you know I’m vegetarian I don’t eat turkey and the cranberries are not organic and they’re full of sugar. I’m not putting that into my body.”

Me: “But we’ve always had cranberries. My mom served it to us: all of our relatives serve cranberries with turkey.”

Child: “I know mom but I don’t want any..no offence but it’s not my tradition it’s your’s.”

Me: “But what’s mine is your’s….it’s always been that way…” voice trailing off as I begin to question the whole concept of doing something “just because.”

Child: “Mom I’m not having any. You can serve it if you want but I’m not having any..”

Me: ” Ok…ok I get it you don’t want it…” 

End of conversation but most certainly not the end of the thought process for me. What did it mean to have traditions and why do we follow them? Is it simply something we do because that’s the way it’s always been done?

That thought led to think about money and traditions and here’s what I’ve come up with .

In my family the tradition was that money was hard to come by: money was finite: money was something to be taken very seriously: money meant control and a lack of money meant no control: money was to be saved for a rainy day…money was a struggle that would never get easier.

You know what? I’m with my kids on this one: I’m throwing out the cranberry sauce and the money traditions this year! I’m done with struggle and fear and scraping by and making do….What about you? Do you have any money traditions that you’re holding onto just because that’s the way it’s always been?

Speaking of tradtions enjoy this piece from Time…

Now go be fearless.

Why you may not want to work with me and why you probably should.

My work as a life coach is very rewarding and moving and thrilling.

I teach women how to turn uncover their passion and turn it into profit.

My movement is Helping Millions Make Millions

Yeah Jan blah blah blah…so what?

 

Well here’s the thing. I’ve been there: I’ve worn your shoes: I’ve felt your pain…maybe not everybody’s but a lot of it believe me on that one!

I grew up pretty happy as far as I remember until I began to be abused sexually. That assault on a young child’s body has a way of eroding joy and trust and hope for the future. It just eats away at the soul if you let it and for a lot of years I let it because I didn’t know any better.

Thank God for counsellors and therapists and finally my life coach but mostly I am thankful I knew that I didn’t want to be living in fear anymore.

I made a choice to remove myself from many toxic relationships: shit that was hard to do because a lot of them had been lifelong relationships.

Talk about living in lonelyville.

I’ve been out of work and out of money.

I’ve been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and completely changed my life around that diagnosis. 7 years later I was informed that the diagnosis had been a medical error and that I could live a life Parkinson free.

What? What the f*** people don’t “unget” Parkinson’s disease. The specialist had made a huge error in the original diagnosis and would not own up to it. I never did get an apology from her and I’m not holding my breath either.

 

One of my best friends was murdered three years ago almost to this day.

Her husband was a police officer so she always seemed safe around the house. That’s where she was murdered: in her kitchen making breakfast for that same dam cop who was supposed to be keeping her safe.

He came up behind her and shot her four times in the head with his hunting rifle…I miss her. He had no right to do what he did but he believed he had no other options. I don’t know why he did it and I don’t ask: it doesn’t matter to me. She’s gone: bottom line.

I’ve had a lot of mess in my life and I’ve learned from each and every single lesson they brought to me.

That’s why you probably should work with me..

I know how hard it is to believe there is a way out and I know how easy it is to make that shift once you see things differently.

Not sure if this will work for you? Try a sample session. Now go be fearless!