Stuck? Yeah me too. Healthy living, head, heart and hips.

Apr. 26, 2013
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Well here we are again. Spring which means summer which means swimming outside which means bathing suits which means cover ups which means unhealthy eating which means trying to lose weight.

OK, so now you know: sometimes my brain goes all over the place and that’s where it just went. In reality, it is spring and that does mean summer follows. I love living where I live: we’re at the base of a fresh water bay and that means great outdoor swimming!

Winter’s been a challenge this year, it’s been cold, really really cold and we’ve had mountains of snow. I’m kind of a fair weather fitness fan so I made the choice, good or bad, to not get out as much as my body needed. Now I suffer the consequences of that decision and I’m feeling like it’s an uphill battle to get myself back in shape.

But, here’s the cool thing about this: it IS an uphill climb and I don’t have to do it all at once. Yay! I’ve made a committment to get back into shape physically and mentally: working on my head, my heart and my hips!

You know what I’ve decided to do? For one week I run, just for 50 paces, every day. That felt manageable and realistic. The next week I’m going to add a little more to the routine and I’ll continue to do that each week. I’m not certain where I’ll end up, or when I’ll say “well that’s far enough” and that’s ok.

Have you ever done this? Felt stuck, found some sort of motivation and jumped on board, again, only to have the goal fall away after a few weeks? Me too! That’s why I’m loving this new way of being present to better health. No pressure and, honestly, I really am feeling better each day knowing that I’ve completed my daily goal.

How about you? Want to give it a try? It’s kinda easy and really fulfilling. If you have any questions or want some support just send me a note: I’m here to help!

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I know this sounds weird but “Can I hug you?”

Apr. 5, 2013
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I’m going to see Oprah again, this time in Hamilton. #OinHamilton with some of our Own Ambassadors .
Today I decided my hair needed a lift before I go, so I took myself to my favourite stylist, Justin, at Fearless Vanity in town.
She sat at a table waiting to get her hair done. Sadness seemed to ooze from her pores. Have you ever been around somebody like that? Her voice was monotone, her colours were, well, colourless and she just could not smile.
I wondered what had her feeling so deeply in the sorrow because she most definitely was in deep. I struck up a conversation, gently, hoping to, well I don’t know what I was hoping. Perhaps it was just to show her somebody was noticing her.
We shared a tea while she shared with me. She was a mom, “I have, oh had, three children” “My daughter would be 49 now but she passed away of ovarian cancer 3 years ago.” No wonder she was sad..but something still felt awkward, that #elephant in the room.
Justin led me to another chair and we parted company or at least I thought we did at that point.
I love the work Justin does and was really happy to have a new do for Oprah next week. Looking in the mirror I saw that she was just wrapping up too. She had grabbed her coat and was getting set to leave.
I don’t know why I did what I did next. I walked up to this woman whom I had never met before and said to her ” This may sound weird but I feel compelled to hug you. May I? ”
I thought I may get a slap in the face but, well, it just felt right to do this. She agreed and, as we leaned into each other, I thanked her for being so vulnerable. . ” My daughter died three years ago. My husband is now fighting cancer too. These are the cards we are dealt. ”
God, what a fearless woman. I am not certain I could even get out of bed every day. My life is so much richer having shared her hug, her story, her voice.
Be love beloveds. That’s all. Be kind to each other, it’s good for your heart.

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The shame of it all and why I love Christine

Mar. 24, 2013
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I have a friend, I’ll call her Christine because that’s her name and she’d like that. Christine and I became friends when we both joined the local parenting group. Our babies were little, they’re adults now, so we’ve known each other for quite some time.
I love Christine and I tell her so as often as I can. After listening to Brene Brown and Oprah today on Super Soul Sunday I am even more in love with Christine.
Wanna know why?
Christine has always been loud and fun and curious and exciting and fearless and, did I say LOUD? She laughs loudly and often.
You know the weird thing about her behaviour? The way most people react..a “shhhh “or a “tsk “or a “geez would you just shut up!” OMG…
We’d be sitting on a dock in the summer time laughing hysterically, she and I, over some ridiculously silly story and the naysayers would start and we’d listen..we’d stop laughing. We were shamed into being complacent, sometimes.
Dam..why did we let them do that to us? Trying to fit in I suppose but not anymore.
Christine left her marriage, that was deemed very shameful by this same crew, and began living. LIVING kinda living. She went to South Korea and ate yucky bugs and goopy food she could not recognize. Christine went to the movies, alone!
She went back to tango lessons, (she is an awesome dancer) and she and I would often go to festivals in the big city together. Gasp!
I am a drummer, djembe is my drum. Christine liked that idea so she bought a djembe, she learned how to play, she attends drum circles now. The naysayers don’t “get her”
They really think menopause has affected her, they’re probably right actually.
I am SO
glad she got over that shame and allowed herself to have fun!

In keeping with the whole playing/vulnerable theme guess what? I had ice cream for dinner tonight. Nothing else, just ice cream! It was deeelllliiiissshhhhh too. Christine would approve, that’s cool with me.
How ’bout you, having fun? Letting loose? Showing your fearless fun side? Go on, I dare you to play and not be shamed into thinking it’s bad: I double dare you! And, when you do, post your pics here!

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The bliss of falling apart

Mar. 23, 2013
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I am most definitely not perfect despite the notion that I was taught this was a “should” in my world. The hard part about this was how awful I felt about me because I was not living up to somebody else’s belief system. Ugh.

Just when I thought I’d figured it out things would change again, a new set of rules to follow. You know the carousels that go round and round and round? That’s how I felt, spinning in circles going nowhere trying to catch up to something unattainable.
“Stop whining” “Stop acting like a girl” Well meaning people thinking they were helping said stuff like that. “Stop acting like a girl?” Um….I am, I was..what did that even mean? Stop being me?

Did you know that an elephant can be trained to never try to run away? When a baby elephant is chained up, just a few feet from it’s mama, and never allowed to reach her, it eventually stops trying. Isn’t that sad? Once the baby stops trying the trainer can untether it and not have to worry about it running away. I hate that thought.

All those rules had me feeling like that baby elephant, tethered and unable to ask for the love I was craving. I gave in, I caved, I put my heart on the shelf and let the rest of the world tell me how to be me.

Like Jesus in the desert I wandered this beautiful Earth for forty days and forty nights and then months which turned into years. Life was passing me by. I was a human being butI was most definitely not being human.

Until I fell apart. Wow, where the hell did that come from?
Suddenly this totally awesome mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend, fell apart. I’d wake up weeping, I’d fall asleep sobbing. I could not speak, I didn’t want to use words longer than three letters, it felt too hard. I was losing my mind. That was the best thing to have happened.

Gathering each little piece of me, examining each piece, offered me an opportunity not available to me had I not “fallen apart.”

Slowly reassembling the me who was ME required a complete and thorough look at what my heart was yearning for, what mattered, what was authentic.

It took a long time to trek through the muck, to open the doors, to dust off the dreams and to pull myself out of the valley but I did it. I gave up, I persisted, I cried, I sobbed and I reached out and asked for help. When I asked, the help arrived, just like that, as if by magic.

We’re a culture that, in my humble opinion, seems fearful of being vulnerable, open and truthful. We expect people to ” get over your grief” in three days and act as if the world is the same. I think this may be why life story project has been so popular on OWN Canada. The stories are resonating with everyone who watches.
It gives them some common ground to know that they are not, in fact, alone in their sorrow. It’s not easy, it will never be but there is no shame in falling apart.
In my humble opinion, the bigger shame is that we don’t allow that process in our lives.
We act like that baby elephant and stay tethered all our lives even though the chains are no longer visible.

Beloveds, it’s ok to fall apart, it’s ok to say you need help, it’s ok to be vulnerable and truthful: that’s the human experience.
If you’re in the midst of a tumble down hot mess honour that this has happened, it’s an opportunity for a deep awakening. Let it happen, walk through the door of fear. Truth is on the other side waiting with an open heart and open arms.
Know this too, when you fall apart, I will be just a prayer away for you.

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While you lay sleeping, a love letter to my children

Mar. 22, 2013
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The day felt hard from start to finish, messy rooms, tears of frustration (yours and mine) a lost precious toy and food all over the floor, walls everywhere but in your belly nourishing you.
I’m pretty sure at one point I thought I’d rather not be a mom. This most certainly was not what I had envisioned when I knew of your impending arrival.
Struggling through my feelings of exasperation led me to wonder what the hell I had gotten myself into. Not so long ago I was wearing designer jeans and crisp white linen shirts that stayed clean: all DAY!
My washing machine is ready to go on strike at the sight of yet another sticky tshirt. Seriously do you have to grab my shirt like that when you are trying to get my attention?
Bed time could not get here fast enough on this day.
Quietly sleeping, finally, I sip my tea and reflect.
What have I done? How has this day been so awful? Have you, my beloveds, reacted to my energy? Is that why we’ve had a train wreck of a day? I don’t know, I just don’t know.

I cry and want to go wake you up, hug you, apologize..but I don’t. Instead I slip quietly into your room and watch you while you lay sleeping. Beautiful rhythmic breathing, peaceful, content, forgiving. You smell beautiful, like a day of flowers and trees and sunshine at the sea.

My beloveds this I know for sure. YOU are awesome. You have taught me how to love fully and compassionately. You have given me the gift of patience and curiosity and joy. You are my day, my night, my love and my light.
This I also know for sure, tomorrow is a new day. We get to start over because you are forgiveness and tomorrow is a new day and you don’t let bitterness poison you.
How I ever got to be this lucky I will never know but know this: I am eternally grateful for you, even when my words suggest otherwise.
I am so in love with you both my sleepy little ones, you are mamabliss in motion.
My “babies” are now 30 and 26, They are still awesome. I am so very very lucky.

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Be the LOVE you wish to see in the world

Mar. 12, 2013
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My husband is a firefighter, he is witness to much joy and much tragedy. Today he came home and told me about an elderly couple, married a long time, and in love. She woke up earlier than he this morning, she sat at the kitchen table and suffered a massive heart attack. When the emergency crew arrived he still did not register that she had left him. He asked the guys
” is she dead? ” Sadly they had to tell him she was. He burst into tears at losing his love. I burst into tears when my husbamd shared this story with me. This I know for sure, be the love you wish to see in the world, don’t wait.

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I, along with many other Own Ambassadors had the opportunity to meet Mastin Kipp of the Daily Love last fall when he was in Toronto. He was doing a screening of Super Soul Sunday which he was being featured on. I love Mastin’s message, if you haven’t checked out his Love pages you should, they’re awesome. Oprah calls Mastin a beautiful person in this world sharing his message of Daily Love quotes. I agree Oprah, 100% and, although I do not need a reminder to BE LOVE, my husband’s story today brought it home anyway.
Be love, beloveds.

Do you suffer from this disorder?

Mar. 11, 2013
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Our parents, mine for sure, had it good. They’re in their 80s now and they have lived a good life, they’ve been lucky and we all know it.
My folks grew up during the depression, through the second world war, the threat of nuclear war and so much technology change it’d make your head spin. They got an education and went to work. My mom was lucky because her only choices of work were secretary or waitress, she picked secretary. My dad was lucky, he worked with his brother at the print shop he started and he stayed there until retirement. Lucky, lucky, lucky. They had no choices, no options, no “following their passions” and, for sure, no thought of quitting a job to search for “something better.”
How lucky were they?
Alrighty then, I am being somewhat sarcastic, but not entirely. During my years of coaching I’ve uncovered a disorder that seems to be affecting a large portion of the people I speak to. I call it S.O.M.A.D, also known as so mad .
Maybe it’s affecting you and you don’t even know it. Are you tired of working at a job you don’t like? Do you wish that you could have somebody’s else’s life? Do you resent it when somebody gets to “live their dreams” while you’re still slogging away at that JOB? If this sounds like you I think you may have S.O.M.A.D. (sit on my a** disorder)
Here’s the thing, we have sooooo many choices in life that sometimes it’s easier to just do nothing, to keep doing the same thing, to stay safe and comfortable. Fear sets in when there are so many options and choices and then resentment may become your best friend. Yuck, what a horrid way to live. That’s S.O.M.A.D. in action my friends.
See that’s why my folks had it great, they had to stay stuck, they had no choices. Boy were they lucky.
Oh, and if you think you may be suffering from S.O.M.A.D. there is a cure! I call it “get off your a**and make a decision.
Go on, be fearless, you can do it.

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Mourning the loss of the mess

Mar. 8, 2013
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Grief, sorrow, transformation, process, ritual. I love words, I love the way they can help us express what we’re feeling. When I was a little girl I’d collect up pieces of fresh clean paper to write my stories. The crinkle of that pure white paper and the design of the printing on that paper felt beautiful to me.
Writing is, to me, ritualistic, fulfilling, life changing and beautiful. It is the thing I must do, my creative process to sort through my life moments and experiences.
My work on this beautiful planet is to teach women how to turn their passions into profits, to become financially empowered. The means to that is through my movement Helping Millions Make Millions. It’s a huge goal but we’re up for it.
Angels came to visit my family today while we were driving on the highway. Our car hood flew up and broke our windshield making it impossible to see. With no vision my husband had to rely on his instincts to get us off the road and into safety. Thank you angels.
That cracked windshield brought to mind many of the people I meet who say they’d like to change something about their life. They’re unhappy, frustrated, depressed and tired of being tired. They’re fed up with living a life that makes no sense and they don’t know how to change. They’re feeling shattered and broken.
But…they’re scared of the unknown, the fear of taking charge of the chaos is overwhelming and can feel impossible to envision so they stay stuck.
That feels so sad to me but it’s not my journey it’s their’s. They get to hold onto the mess and can feel comfortable knowing that life will, at least, remain status quo.
Radical idea coming, hold on! hold onWhat if we allowed people to process the loss of the mess? Nobody gets to tell anybody how to grieve: nobody ? We’re a culture of denying grief and expecting people to “move on” right away.
 I get it folks, you’re scared of the unknown, the mess at least feels comfortable because you know it, it’s familiar.
I love this quote. “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone” Neil Donald Walsh. Pushing through the fear, honouring the loss, grieving the loss and stepping into a new reality that allows you to live your best life, now that’s empowering.
I wish that for you, a life of joy, kindness, profitable finances and love.

My broken windshield on International Women’s Day

Mar. 8, 2013
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The day started out great. It’s the beginning of a week holiday for many students in Ontario and there’s lots of excitement in the air. The snows are beginning to melt and, although it’s not yet visible, the plants are beginning to poke their heads out to reach for the sun. We packed up the dogs in anticipation of a fresh morning walk at their favourite off leash park and a little spring picnic afterward.
Off we went, puppies, hubby and I, happy as could be, no plans for the day except to have fun. Bliss.
We were in the car for just a short time when, bam, a crack, a really loud noise and suddenly we couldn’t see out the window. The car hood had flown open, smashed the windshield and made it impossible to see anything. There was traffic behind us and cars heading our way and we couldn’t see a dam thing. Holding my breath I watched as my firefighter husband, trained not to panic, skillfully drove the car to the tiny edge on the side of the road. We both got out to see the damage. Holy hannah, were we ever lucky. Bigger picture, I am so glad nobody else was hurt. I immediately thanked our angels for their superb care of us, I thanked my husband for staying calm and knowing what to do and then I got back into the car with the broken windshield. We turned around and headed for home.
The dogs didn’t get to the park this time and that’s ok.
Both of us know this means it was not our time, we have work to do still and we’re ready to set that on fire.
Here’s the great thing about this broken windshield. It’s International Women’s Day and I have decided to help you light a fire on your dreams. Ten women who sign up for coaching by the end of March 10, will benefit from a savings of $100 on their coaching, up front! Plus, the contest is still running so that means you’ll also qualify to win $10,000. (2 women will win out of 50 )
My broken windshield has made the vision clear, set your dreams on fire! Don’t wait, life has a funny way of stepping in to remind you, us, that we matter! Go make a difference, right now!

You Matter Steve

Mar. 4, 2013
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He was tall and thin. I had not seen him before today. I was out walking my dogs and was just heading into my warm, cozy little home. I heard a sound, devastating cries, wailing actually, from somewhere close by. There were no other people around but me and him. “Could it be him that’s crying?” I wondered. It felt odd to hear such a tall young man child weeping as he walked toward me. We were about 100 feet away from each other and I knew I had a choice. I could leave him alone or I could go talk to him.
I grabbed the dog leashes and headed toward him, the sobbing so loud now it made my dogs howl just a wee bit. I felt like howling too but I didn’t. “What’s wrong? Are you ok?” I asked but he didn’t really know I was there. I stepped right up to him, put my hand on his arm, and asked again “are you ok?” He looked surprised to see me amd even more surprised that someone was talking to him.
“Are you ok? What’s wrong? Why are you crying? Are you hurt?” I looked straight into his eyes, looking intently, noticing him, letting him know I was noticing him. He did not look away and through his tears he said ” my fiance..he just..I am sick and I am just being used. I don’t matter.” My heart broke. He was falling apart and I was concerned for his well being. ” You DO matter. You’re here so you matter.” (yes I was pulling out all my Oprah lessons at this point, thank you Oprah ) He stopped crying for a second and I took his hands in mine. He was shivering and freezing. “You’re cold. Can I just keep my hands here for a sec, you’re so cold.” We stood like that, hand in hand, me just watching his face, he beginning to weep again. “How could this happen? I thought we were in love. ”
“What’s your name” I asked. ” Steve” he said. “Steve, look at my dogs, see how cute they are. They love it when somebody pats them. Want to? ” I was trying to calm him just a little bit. It works with others and I hoped it would work this time. Steve bent down and said hi, the dogs sat quietly beside me and allowed him to pat them.
He looked up, crying again but not so violently. “I have given him so much. I have tried showing him how special he is but he doesn’t believe me” Steve said.
“Here’s what I know for sure Steve. If he can’t accept your gift of love you cannot force him to accept it. It’s better that you learn this now even though it doesn’t feel like it right now.”
We were walking again, past my home, with my dogs in one hand and his hand in my free one. “Where are you going? Do you have a place to go? ” I asked. I was really concerned for him, mama that I am. I wanted to be sure he had a place to go to. “I just live down the street” he said and then he stopped. ” You’re really kind” he says, “thank you.”
He had calmed down a little by now. He wasn’t freezing anymore. He’s still going to have to work through the broken heart, that’ll take time and I told him that. ” I have children, they’re older than you but they’re mine. I would hope that somebody would take the time to be kind to them if they needed it” I said and then we said goodbye.
“Can I give you a hug Steve?” There we were, two strangers in the middle of the street, hugging as we parted. I told him again that he mattered and that I loved him.
I realized after we parted that Steve had a same sex relationship. He didn’t want to say anything because he was scared of what I might say. I also realized that’s why I stopped in the first place, I was concerned that he was being bullied, perhaps he was.
My intuition was telling me to reach out so I did. You know what I knew before I met Steve but took away with me? Love is love is love. It doesn’t know skin colour, sexual orientation or place of birth. A broken heart is a broken heart, tears are tears, grief is grief, it isn’t all limited to heterosexual relationships. Thanks for the lesson Steve.

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